I am not the Supreme Court. I am not bound politically by any party. I am not a gun violence victim. I am not a flag-waving sycophant. I am an American by birth. And I am embarrassed, angry, and ashamed.

Step back. Back beyond the neighborhood in which you live, back beyond the county, state, stars and stripes. Come with me and float in space, high above the earth.

Now, objectively, describe what differentiates the United States from the rest of the world’s countries and gun violence. Be honest. We hear that it is due to mental health issues. Yes, the United States closed most mental health hospitals many years ago. However, the United States is no more affected by mental health issues than any other country. Next? Video games and Hollywood depict gun violence. Yes! However, the United States is not the only consumer of these products, and their proliferation does not result in the daily carnage we see here. What else can you think of? We don’t teach God in school. The percentage of people claiming to be of one religion or another is falling worldwide. Again, the United States is not an outlier in this regard, yet we see the carnage of gun violence the rest of the world cannot comprehend. What else? Doors. Okay, Ted, yes, one way in and one way out would limit access points for shooters to enter a school. I doubt the fire marshal would like that idea. And what about doors in churches, movie theaters, malls, grocery stores, nightclubs, open-air concert venues, or any other place in America where we see gun violence. And even with limited access, as we saw in Uvalde, the police are not going in like Dirty Harry because they might be hurt. Better to let the murderer kill everyone he finds, use all of his ammunition, get bored, fall asleep, or see the error of his ways. Next? Oh, the old standby solution: more guns! Yes, people suggest we train elementary school children in “safe” gun handling and assign them a firearm at the beginning of each school day, to be signed back in each afternoon.

Be honest. There is only one factor differentiating the United States from the rest of the world concerning gun violence. Some say “access to guns.” That’s another way of saying the number of guns. There are more guns in the hands of the public in America than there are people in America.

Right now, Congress is negotiating (for the first time in a long time) a series of measures designed to curb gun violence. If anything comes of it, and by no means is that a certainty!), it will be a watered-down, nibble around the edges, mildly effective law. Even gun violence prevention activists, always within a minute of explaining their outrage, defer, defend, and genuflect to the 2^nd Amendment. And that’s the problem. The 2nd Amendment is the problem. It is the differentiating factor separating the United States from the rest of the world and the cause of the gun culture in America.

The 2^nd Amendment was terribly written and has since been criminally interpreted. So I have a few ideas to solve the gun violence problem in America.

The first idea is simple. Acknowledge that guns are the problem and repeal the 2nd Amendment. Then do the unthinkable. Millions of guns have been sold because rubes have been convinced that Democratic presidents will come for their guns, so they better get them before they can’t! Suckers. So, make their nightmare come true. There are too many guns in America. If guns were the solution, we would be the safest country on the planet. So, take away the guns. Confiscate them, repurchase them, burn them, melt them, crush them. Problem solved. No guns, no gun violence. Welcome to the civilized world.

The second idea is a bit of wordplay. Rewrite the 2nd Amendment. The Amendment’s first clause and the part always omitted by gun nuts is “A well-regulated militia…” Today this means the National Guard, not a bunch of overweight GI Joe wannabees running around in the woods with ketchup-covered “tactical gear” and a camo Yeti full of Spaghetti-O’s. And since the National Guard is already well funded, the amended Amendment is superfluous and can be repealed. Problem solved. No guns, no gun violence. Welcome to the civilized world.

The third idea is less of an idea and more of a surrender. Accept that gun violence is the “American way™” and no longer care. Columbine didn’t move Congress. Sandy Hook didn’t force Congress. Nor did Pulse or Las Vegas. Neither will Buffalo, Uvalde, (fill in the blank ad nauseam). None will matter. They need their guns to shoot varmint! They need their guns to protect against a tyrannical “gubment.” They need their guns to keep their lonely asses warm at night. They need their guns, and their needs supersede your right to life. Period. We thank the police and the military for their service and sacrifice. This year, more children have been killed in school shootings than active-duty police and military personnel combined. The next time you kiss your child goodbye and put them on the bus in the morning, not knowing whether they will come home that afternoon, thank them for their sacrifice to the sacrosanct 2nd Amendment. But keep their toothbrush handy in case you need it to identify their eviscerated, liquified, decapitated, hollowed-out little bodies later that night. And then hope the screams you hear (some of them your own- in a voice you do not recognize as your own) someday subside.