That’s it. I’m done. I can’t do it anymore. It’s not me, America; it’s you. I’m disengaging, turning away, closing my eyes, and letting others worry. I’m going on a news and current events diet. Cold turkey.

Christopher Hitchens had a great quote I truly believed:

“What I used to say to people, when I was much more engaged myself, is that you can’t be apolitical. It will come and get you. It’s not that you shouldn’t be neutral. It’s that you won’t be able to stay neutral.”

He must have been stronger than me because I can’t do it anymore. I think I expect too much from people, this country, the world. I demand people not only be engaged but informed.

Harlan Ellison said, “You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.”

Unfortunately, they’re not, and I’m exhausted. My 56th birthday is Monday, and I’d like to see my 57th and perhaps a few more after that. I’m tired of being angry all of the time. I’m tired of expecting more and continually being disappointed. I’m just tired.

It shouldn’t be this difficult. When I found myself on the floor crying and sick to my stomach, disgusted because twenty elementary school students and 6 of their teachers had been massacred by another American asshole with a fucking gun, I decided I had to do something, say something, stand up and be part of the solution. I joined the Brady Campaign and gave speeches to groups in Texas. Part of my remarks asked what you would have done as a farmer during the Revolutionary War, as a German during World War II, or as a white man during the civil rights push of the 1960s. Indeed, I thought, with 20/20 hindsight, the public would demand changes to the ridiculous gun control laws in the country. I was met with apathy and ossification. What I expected was searing heartache and a wave of people demanding change. What I experienced was momentary head shaking, “thoughts and prayers,” and then America turned the page, pocketing their “thoughts and prayers” for the next mass shooting. And the next. And the next.  

When Donald Trump was elected president, I was outraged, disgusted, and fearful of what he might do. What I did not do was terrorize citizens, impose my will on anyone, or storm the Capitol. After the first impeachment acquittal, I was angry at the lack of integrity displayed by Senate Republicans. When he was acquitted yesterday after his second impeachment, I was numb.

I’m accused of being a pessimist. If it is pessimistic to believe people should act more responsibly and knowing they won’t, then brand me a pessimist. A country that pays the moon to its entertainers and sports figures and hangs on their every dalliance is a country that does not listens to its scientists (only through a sheer division of public attention or, more likely, choice). Or one that pays any attention to their elected officials or demands their best. Think climate control, gerrymandering, gun control, or inciting insurrection.

After September 11, 2001, there was a national outpouring of patriotism (and nationalism). However, in a land where a billionaire from NYC has been deemed the “voice” of the poor and uneducated, we have taken that which we hated and, through a bizarre cultural appropriation, now look like them. Think about it. The wars we waged/wage in Iraq and Afghanistan demanded our soldiers blend in with the locals. So, they grew beards. Before 9/11, beards on men were relatively rare. However, in our fawning over our military, through television and movies, “manly” American men now look like Iraqi and Afghani men. Look at the “manly” men who attacked the Capitol. How ironic. Do you want to sell something to American men? Put the word “tactical” in front of the product name. That’s how we define men in America. Not by education, morality, or fidelity, but rather by “camo” tactical gear, an AR-15, and a beard.

But I can’t do it anymore. I’m turned off, tuned out, and dropped the mic. Benjamin Franklin said, “Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn.” I am more than willing to learn and will never stop learning. But perhaps ignorant to current events will lead to tranquility in my brain. If ignorance is bliss, I’ll stop paying attention for a while in the hopes of finding bliss. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn said, “It’s a universal law: Intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility.” I am not profoundly educated, but I will never stop learning, never stop reading, never stop trying to understand both sides of an issue. My impatience is not arrogance a result of repeated disappointment. And so, I’m done.

In a world where no good deed goes unpunished, no corruption goes unrewarded, and nice guys finish last, count me out. Now I hang on the sentence fragment from Hitchens’ quote above when he said, “…when I was more engaged…” Bring on the bliss, please.